What is eurovision?
I’ve heard people talk about it before and I feel really dumb because I have no idea what’s going on??
It’s a stupid song festival in Europe where one band/artist represents each country. It used to be one of the most important events, but now barely anyone cares about it.
EXCUSE ME MADAM
I BELIEVE WE MUST NOW FIGHT IN HOT AIR BALLOONS ABOVE LONDON
EUROVISION IS A TIME OF FUN AND HILARITY IN WHICH THE NATIONS UNITE TO WATCH GROUPS OF BRIGHTLY COLOURED IDIOTS PERFORMING SONGS THAT ARE CAREFULLY ENGINEERED TO BE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF GOOD MUSIC
AND YOU HAVE TO TURN THE SUBTITLES ON BECAUSE THEY ARE INVARIABLY THE RESULT OF SOME POOR SOUL TRYING TO TYPE THEM IN REAL-TIME AND IT IS BASICALLY THE MUSICAL EQUIVALENT OF THOSE BOOTLEG MANDARIN LOTR SUBS
AND THEN THERE IS ‘VOTING’ WHICH MEANS ‘EVERYONE IN THE BALKANS GIVES EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BALKANS TOP SCORES AND EVERYONE IN WESTERN EUROPE PENALISES EACH OTHER FOR EVERY POLITICAL IRRITATION RECEIVED IN THE PAST YEAR’
AND YOU WATCH THE WHOLE TECHNICOLOUR FAILURE ON THE SOFA WITH SNACKS AND MST3K THE SHIT OUT OF IT AND IT IS GLORIOUS
The most perfect description of Eurovison I have ever laid eyes on.
Also, we need to talk about how there it are always the same type of songs that get through the first round before we get to the live thing. Like, there’s the horrible ballad, the up-beat song with weird costumes that doesn’t make any sense, the dance number, the random thing that doesn’t make any sense in general and somehow got through, songs in random languages no one understands, songs in English with weird accents that no one understands either…
IDK, I’m forgetting stuff. But, yeah. Eurovision. The horrible part is that we get to hear this music for the next couple of months on every radio station and music video channel.
Also, there’s a reason why I prefer the Kids version. This disastrous thing isn’t worth my time anymore.
And then there was also that time when the Netherlands voted for Denmark and all the guys from Denmark wanted to fuck them.